Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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