Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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