Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
