I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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