I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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