i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
