Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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