She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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