Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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