She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Randomize
