i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
