My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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