Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
