Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
