I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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