Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
So apparently I’m into choking now
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize