Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Randomize
