couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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