did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
