did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
