i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
