too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
