he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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