love makes seman taste better
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
