Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
