I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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