The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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