Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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