I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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