you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
