I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
