did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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