i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
