Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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