remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
