you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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