Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Dicks are not precious.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
