I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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