my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
