Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
