I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
