she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
