I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize