I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
