she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
