My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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