I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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