i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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