12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Come see our sink grown plant.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
