The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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