woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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