this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
