in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
