I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
