Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
