my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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