she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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