even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
