White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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