Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
