It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
