We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
