so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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