My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
