I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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