atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
did i walk over a car last night?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
