You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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