Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize