Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
