i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
