Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
