So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
