On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
