I wish I could teleport
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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