i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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