Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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