is your mom at the bar?
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
i think im in europe. pls send help
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize