We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize