I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
