wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
