Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
