now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
